Write a Job Description That Attracts — Not Repels — Candidates.....

Employers often complain that they are unable to fill open jobs. But many are looking for such a narrow set of competencies that no candidate could possibly measure up. Exhaustive job descriptions deter solid prospects who worry they don't fit the overly specific (or ambitious) criteria. Next time you're hiring, consider these tips:

• Focus on success factors, not experience : Don't itemize every skill the candidate could possibly need. Instead, briefly list the most important abilities required for a person to succeed.

• Make the title clear : The way you label a job defines who will apply. Use job titles that clearly describe the profession. Don't use insider jargon.

• Watch your biases : Be careful not to include requirements that would rule out capable candidates who don't exactly match the ideal in your head.

 
Courtsey : Havard Business Review/ Tammy Johns

Put an End to Procrastination.....

To procrastinate may be human but it's not very rewarding. If putting off tasks is hindering your performance or making you unhappy, try these three things:

• Identify what you put off. When you find yourself ignoring or delaying a task, ask yourself why. Knowing what you tend to delay can help break the cycle and prevent future procrastination.

• Set deadlines. Break up tasks into smaller chunks and then create a schedule with clear due dates for each part.

• Increase the rewards. Tasks with rewards far in the future are easy to put off. To make a task feel more immediate, focus on the short-term rewards. If there aren't any, insert your own. Treat yourself to a coffee break or a quick chat with a co-worker once you've finished a task.

 

Courtsey : Havard Business Review/ Amy Gallo
 

Give Yourself Some Slack Time.....

One of the most important things that I've learned is that you can only be up to 100% efficient - you can't get 25 hours of work done in a day. How do you know when you're at the point of diminishing returns?

We all want to believe we can add one more thing to our plate without it being a problem. But there's only so much time in a day, and that tiny one-more-thing can be what tips the balance. Have you seen the last scene in the Meaning of Life by Monty Python? A huge man is eating a gigantic meal. At the end, he's offered a tiny, wafer-thin mint. He eats it and explodes.

The two indicators I look at are my stress level and my slack space. If I have so much on my plate that I'm constantly thinking about the next thing and always rushing to get stuff done, that's an indicator that my time is pretty much full. I'm at that point a lot at the moment, actually.

You can also consider whether you have enough slack time in your schedule. You need slack to handle unexpected work and personal things that crop up. If a single slipped schedule or car breakdown throws your whole life into chaos, you probably have too much on your plate and need to drop something.

Becoming more productive at what you currently do can, of course, free up some time. But even that isn't a panacea. It takes time and effort to find alternate ways of doing your work, and then more time and effort to implement those. At some point, it takes more time and effort to improve your performance than the time and effort you actually save from improving.

When you've reached that point, you're doing as well as you can. If you're still overloaded, it's time to remove things from your plate so you once again have room to breathe, relax, and cope.

 

Courtsey : Stever Robbins

Leave Your Bad Day at Work.....

We all have them: those days when nothing goes right. To avoid taking the stress home, try doing three things at the end of a bad day:

Clear your mind: Take a few deep breaths. Think about the things that matter to you outside of work. Prepare yourself mentally to walk out the door and leave the day behind.

Do something easy: Send off a report, reconcile a balance sheet, or reply to a few straightforward e-mails. Get some things off your to-do list to restore a sense of control.

Get up and leave: Once you've completed the task, don't check your email once more or stop by someone's desk. Just leave.

Courtsey : Guide to Managing Stress

3 Tips for Leading People Older than You....

Seniority no longer reigns in today's organizations. In fact, it's not uncommon to manage people 10 or 20 years older than you. Leading is hard enough when you have experience on your side. Here are three ways to make sure your age doesn't betray you:

1. Be confident. Start strong. Don't qualify your statements or ideas. Speak with conviction and assume that your ideas are good ones.

2. Be open-minded. Balance your poise with an open mind. Put your proposals out there and then solicit opinions and ideas. Give your colleagues a voice.

3. Ask for feedback regularly. Make sure people know you care about continuous improvement. They'll be more likely to give you useful feedback about your performance

Courtsey : Havard Business Review/ Jodi Glickman.

3 Tips for Surviving Difficult Conversations.....

No one is immune to workplace tensions: It is inevitable that you will have some trying conversations with colleagues or clients. Here are three ways to reach a productive outcome, no matter how tough things get:

1. Keep it civil. Don't turn the conversation into a combat with a winner and a loser. Everyone looks bad when the discussion turns toxic.

2. Don't rehearse. When you know things are going to be tough, it's tempting to practice what you're going to say ahead of time. But this is a conversation — not a performance. Instead, know where you stand but be open enough to listen and react.

3. Resist making assumptions. You don't have access to anyone's intentions but your own. Don't assume that you know where your counterpart is coming from or how she views the problem. Instead, ask for her perspective.

Courtsey : Holly Weeks/ Havard Business Review



3 Tips for Responding to Failure.....

Everyone reacts differently to failure: some immediately accuse others while some take the heat themselves, even if undeserved. Next time you and your team fail, resist the temptation to place blame. Take these three steps instead:

1. Think before you act. Don't respond immediately or impulsively. Doing so can make matters worse. Take the time to consider several possible interpretations of the event and how you might react.

2. Listen and communicate. Never assume you know what others think. Gather feedback and then explain your own actions and intentions.

3. Search for a lesson. Mistakes happen. It may be that you're to blame, someone else is, or no one is. Create and test hypotheses about how and why the failure happened to prevent it from happening again.

Courtsey : Ben Dattner and Robert Hogan/ Havard Business Review

Protect Your Good Idea....

The best idea can still die when naysayers raise concerns, even if the concerns are meritless. Instead of trying to dodge unavoidable attacks, learn to expect the common types you'll face, and how to counter them simply and convincingly:

Death by delay: Adversaries may try to put off the discussion, ask for additional information, or otherwise delay a decision on your idea, thereby slowing momentum. Keep your audience focused on making a decision.

Confusion : Detractors often present distracting information or try to link your idea to several others in an attempt to confound people. Be clear about what your idea is and what it isn't.

Fear mongering: Nothing kills an idea faster than irrational anxieties. Know what fears your challengers might stir up and be prepared to allay them.

Courtsey : John P. Kotter and Lorne A. Whitehead./ Havard Business Review

 

 

3 Tips for Asking for a Raise.....

Asking for a salary increase can be a nerve-wracking task. Here are three tips to making the ask go smoothly, and increasing your chances of getting the raise:

* Choose the right time. It's best to ask when your status is high. Consider asking soon after your team posts good results or at the end of a successful project. Avoid making the request when your boss is preoccupied with other issues.

* Have a plan. Know what number you want, make sure it is realistic, and build a case to support it. Use facts about comparable roles and evidence of recent successes.

* Be clear and positive. Stay focused on the positive of what you have accomplished. Avoid bringing up other issues during the meeting. Be clear about what you want without issuing an ultimatum.

Courtsey : Gill Corkindale/ Havard Business Review

Organize Your Workspace for Maximum Productivity .....

As you pilot your way through the business day, your workspace is your cockpit. If you can't see the gauges or reach the controls quickly and efficiently, you're in trouble. Luckily some simple organizing techniques can make your desk, cubicle, or office more conducive to higher levels of productivity.

Clear the deck. Your elbows and your brain need room to do what they do best, so you've got to clear away the clutter. Those spontaneous piles of miscellaneous paperwork, the boxes of stuff tossed in the corner, the tchotchkes from last year's convention? They've all got to go. "Out of sight, out of mind" is the directing principle here. Put away (even better, throw away) anything you don't need to be thinking about on a daily basis. As for the stuff you do need, choose a sensible place for it — all of it — and commit to keeping it there. Once you do that, putting away an item requires no thought or decisions.

Keep only frequently-used items within reach. Split your workspace tools and current paperwork into two categories: what should be within arm's reach and what shouldn't. Right now, as you sit at your desk, consider every single item that you can reach out and touch. Is there anything you use less than a few times a week? Get it out of your way. (Hint: If it's dusty, it doesn't need to be there.) Is there anything you use often that's not right nearby? Relocate it to the space right in front of you. For example, if you rarely use the hole punch, store it in the office supplies drawer. If you're always jotting things down, a fresh notepad and uncapped pen should be next to your mouse pad.

Set up a landing strip. Every day you arrive in workspace with the same items — a cell phone, briefcase and/or purse, mail, keys, change. Make a "landing strip" where you can drop your stuff when you come in and out (maybe with an extra cell phone charger and change cup). If incoming paperwork or mail makes its way to your desk or chair each day, use an inbox to "catch" it. Clear out this inbox and file, recycle, or otherwise process everything in it every day.Store related items together. Reduce the amount of time you spend hunting for tools by grouping items by task. Keep the stamps near your envelopes, pens near notepads, fresh folders near the filing cabinet, ink near the printer, shredder near the recycling bin, and so on. This is the most obvious piece of organizing advice in the world — until you've got a letter to mail and can't find the stamps.

Make yourself comfortable. You spend the majority of your waking hours in your workspace, so it's worth investing in a comfy chair and desk at the right height, a mouse and keyboard that's easy on your hands and wrists, and even a widescreen monitor (or two) to make long hours at the computer gentler on your eyes and bodies. Beware of fancy office products that claim to be more ergonomic than others; your gauge is your body.

Pay attention to the way you work and adjust as needed. After your initial reorganization, keep an eye out for recurring tasks you can do more efficiently in your workspace. If you often need space to spread out paperwork, get a keyboard drawer or L-shaped desk that gives you that room. If you have a laptop you take with you, get yourself an extra power cord or dock for easy plugging and unplugging. If you refer to paperwork while you type, get yourself a monitor-mounted document clip. One right-handed university dean told me that she taught herself to mouse with her left hand so she could jot notes at the same time with her right. Some of the most effective (but less obvious) tweaks you can make in your workspace depend on your work style and needs.

Courtsey : Gina Trapani/ Havard Business Publishing

A Simple Secret to Stop Procrastination.....

There's an old saying that says...

"If the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning is eat a live frog, then nothing worse can happen for the rest of the day!"

Brian Tracy says that your "frog" should be the most difficult item on your things to do list, the one you're most likely to procrastinate on; because, if you eat that first, it'll give you energy and momentum for the rest of the day. But, if you don't...and let him sit there on the plate and stare at you while you do a hundred unimportant things, it can drain your energy and you won't even know it.

The 80/20 Rule is one of the most helpful of all concepts of time and life management. It is also called the "Pareto Principle" after its founder, the Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto, who first wrote about it in 1895. Pareto noticed that people in his society seemed to divide naturally into what he called the "vital few", the top 20 percent in terms of money and influence, and the "trivial many", the bottom 80 percent.

He later discovered that virtually all economic activity was subject to this principle as well. For example, this principle says that 20 percent of your activities will account for 80 percent of your results, 20 percent of your customers will account for 80 percent of your sales, 20 percent of your products or services will account for 80 percent of your profits, 20 percent of your tasks will account for 80 percent of the value of what you do, and so on. This means that if you have a list of ten items to do, two of those items will turn out to be worth five or ten times or more than the other eight items put together.

Number of Tasks versus Importance of Tasks : Here is an interesting discovery. Each of the ten tasks may take the same amount of time to accomplish. But one or two of those tasks will contribute five or ten times the value of any of the others.

Often, one item on a list of ten tasks that you have to do can be worth more than all the other nine items put together. This task is invariably the frog that you should eat first.

Focus on Activities, Not Accomplishments : The most valuable tasks you can do each day are often the hardest and most complex. But the payoff and rewards for completing these tasks efficiently can be tremendous. For this reason, you must adamantly refuse to work on tasks in the bottom 80 percent while you still have tasks in the top 20 percent left to be done.

Before you begin work, always ask yourself, "Is this task in the top 20 percent of my activities or in the bottom 80 percent?" The hardest part of any important task is getting started on it in the first place. Once you actually begin work on a valuable task, you will be naturally motivated to continue. A part of your mind loves to be busy working on significant tasks that can really make a difference. Your job is to feed this part of your mind continually.

Motivate Yourself : Just thinking about starting and finishing an important task motivates you and helps you to overcome procrastination. Time management is really life management, personal management. It is really taking control of the sequence of events. Time management is having control over what you do next. And you are always free to choose the task that you will do next. Your ability to choose between the important and the unimportant is the key determinant of your success in life and work.

Effective, productive people discipline themselves to start on the most important task that is before them. They force themselves to eat that frog, whatever it is. As a result, they accomplish vastly more than the average person and are much happier as a result. This should be your way of working as well......

Courtsey : http://www.simpletruths.com/

CHANGE AND LEADERSHIP.....

"When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge."~Tuli Kupferburg

Change is not easy. But it is simple. Things will always change. We don't have a choice about that, but we do have a choice on how we react to change. The choice really boils down to this...either we manage change, or it will manage us.

As a leader, however, deciding to make changes is the easy part. Getting your people on board is much more difficult. Why is that? Quite simply, change is an emotional process. We are all creatures of habit who usually resist it, and welcome routine. Uncharted waters are scary!

The truth, of course, is that change can be a wonderful gift. In fact, it is the key that unlocks the doors to growth and excitement in any organization. And, most importantly, without it...your competition will pass you by. As a leader, a big part of success will be your ability to inspire your team to get out of their comfort zones; to assure them that even though they are on a new path, it's the right path, for the right reasons.

This may sound trite to some leaders, but during times of change, getting your team to believe it can be done is the most important thing you can do. It won't happen overnight, but through continuous reinforcement, listening, encouragement and most of all earning their trust, it will happen. And, when it does, A TEAM CAN BECOME UNSTOPPABLE!

This quote says it best... "A good leader inspires people to have confidence in their leader.... A great leader inspires people to have confidence in themselves." ~Anonymous

Courtsey : www.simpletruths.com

Techniques of Leading People...

What are your techniques for leading when you don't have formal authority or, when you do, for leading quietly despite your explicit role ???

Whether you're a manager, a frontline worker, or an independent contractor, at one time or another you've surely had to influence, or even improve, the performance of people who don't formally report to you. Experience in all three roles teach some basic principles about leading without authority. These principles work even in roles where you might assume authority is a given.....

1. Let your enthusiasm for the work be contagious. Every job, project, and activity has unique fundamentals that, when respected, naturally enhance the endeavor. Engineers who truly revere math and physics, for example, tend not only to build better things but also to motivate other people (whom they often don't manage) with their love of the discipline. That doesn't mean you need to be a purist, ignoring all external motivators, to succeed in leading people you don't formally manage. But if what really drives you is the core of the challenge itself — and you let other people see that — most of them will be drawn toward your goal organically. Even in the classroom, where I am explicitly the one in charge, my passion for the subject moves students much more than any directive I give.

2. Demonstrate excellence without being cocky or solicitous of approval. Bearing the burden of someone else's ego is always a turn-off, whether the ego is already big or in need of puffing up. When an ego-driven person is your direct manager, you just hold your nose and do your best to perform in spite of the stench. But, let's face it, you're not going to waste your time following someone like that if she doesn't have real authority over you. Demanding egos have a way of hogging center stage and masking the inherent excellence of the performance. If people sense that a leader is seeking validation, the best she can hope for is muted applause. Needy leaders are rarely inspiring.

3. Don't be overinvested in outcomes. Leaders who don't have formal authority come under suspicion when they act more like a team captain than a curious scientist. Both know that outcomes matter, but the scientist subordinates the importance of outcomes as she leads quietly, whereas the captain — even one who isn't driven by ego — tends to foreground them. In essence, the effective informal leader is inquisitive rather than watchful. The distinction is subtle, and the scientist approach is not one you should try to fake. But those who truly embody it make better unofficial leaders — and better teachers, too.

courtsey : Harvard Business Review

Three Ways to be more Persuasive.....

Moving projects forward in today's flatter organizations, where cross-functionality is the norm, requires the ability to manage up, down, and sideways. Power and line authority go only so far.
That's where persuasion comes in, says Robert Cialdini, Regents' Professor of Psychology and Marketing at Arizona State University and coauthor with Noah J. Goldstein and Steve J. Martin of Yes! 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive (Free Press, 2008).

Much as martial arts combatants overcome their opponents using leverage, inertia, and gravity rather than brute strength, you can persuade others by exploiting the principles of social influence. These include the feelings of obligation generated between two people when one does a favor for the other, the tendency to say yes to people we like, and the desire to act in ways that are consistent with our commitments and values.

Activate reciprocity : One good turn generates another. Any favors you do today are likely to be reciprocated down the road:

• Championing a colleague's idea in a meeting when others are giving it only tepid support.
• Sharing useful information with a coworker in another part of the company who otherwise wouldn't have received it.
• Pitching in to help a teammate finish a presentation or prepare for it.

Don't be insincere and don't be cold-blooded; people will see through you and be on their guard. Just look for opportunities to be a good person. You won't just feel good; you'll create a network of indebted colleagues who will actively look for ways to help you out.

Reciprocity can also repair relationships that have gone sour, though not quite in the way you might expect. If you are trying to mend fences with a colleague, ask her for a favor. This sounds counterintuitive, but it works. You're giving her an opportunity to see herself as magnanimous. So ask her to help you out.

Cialdini recommends that the favor be in keeping with the person's job and will make him look good. From his own experience he cites a time when, after winning a heated debate about hiring, he immediately reached out to a colleague who had been in the opposite camp. Walking the colleague back to his office, Cialdini asked him for advice on a paper he was writing. "He gave me a few books and suggested resources," he recalls.

In the course of that discussion, Cialdini also learned what the colleague was working on. By the time he was ready to return the books, he had found some resources to recommend in return, thus cementing a positive relationship. "We didn't have a pleasant exchange in that faculty meeting. As soon as my side won, I could tell there was likely to be bitterness. But because I asked for his help, we've never been less than friends," he says.

Focus on the other person's positive attributes : Like reciprocation, focusing on a person's positive attributes is an ideal way to begin a relationship. This technique requires that you consciously look for something you genuinely like about a person. Even if he is a terror at work, there might be something you can admire about his personal interests, his past experiences, or the causes he supports.

Once you have identified the positive trait, compliment him on it. By showing your approval, you help him to like you. And that, says Cialdini, is when the barriers come down. "People feel safer and are more open and trusting with people who like them. They are more likely to give them the extra information that will help them succeed."

Focusing on the positive can help improve relations with a colleague you have historically disliked. For example, a manager at a pharmaceutical company had a tense relationship with her boss and the two were often at loggerheads. Using this technique, she realized that his tendency to hold work up was due to his desire to get it right.

When she complimented him on those values, his face lit up. The next morning he gave her the kind of information he'd never shared before: a detailed heads-up on what she should emphasize and be on guard for in gaining buy-in at an important meeting that afternoon.
"Without that information, things would have gone wrong. In the process of saying 'I admire your high quality standards,' she also gave him a reputation to uphold," notes Cialdini. He realized that if she appeared in a positive light, he as her boss would, too.

Invoke the person's previous opinions and behaviors : When you remind someone of his previous position on an issue — "Remember, Mark, how you argued that the company should devote greater resources to educating the sales team about the new product line?" — he is more likely to behave in a way that is consistent with that position. This is an example of the phenomenon known as labeling.

To use labeling to influence someone, you're giving him a reputation to uphold. If you want his support on a proposal to shift more marketing dollars from print to online ad buys to drive widget sales, invoke his track record of preferring online advertising for items similar to the widget. You want him to perceive that supporting your proposal is in line with his previous positions.

Labeling, as you can imagine, is especially effective with someone who thinks highly of his own decision-making prowess.

This technique requires familiarity with a person's priorities, values, and stated positions. If you have not worked extensively enough with someone to gain this insight, review presentations he has given and discreetly probe for information about him in conversations with those who work with him more closely.

Influence is ultimately about relationships. The more you have and the stronger they are, the better able you'll be to bring others to your side when you want their support.

Courtsey : Judith Ross & Havard Business Publishing

Customer Service: Ducks or Eagles

No one can make you serve customers well. That's because great service is a choice.....

Years ago, Harvey Mackay, told a wonderful story about a cab driver that proved this point. He was waiting in line for a ride at the airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing Harvey noticed was that the taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a white shirt, black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks, the cab driver jumped out and rounded the car to open the back passenger door for Harvey. He handed him a laminated card and said:

"I'm Wally, your driver. While I'm loading your bags in the trunk I'd like you to read my mission statement."

Taken aback, Harvey read the card. It said: Wally's Mission Statement: To get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest way possible in a friendly environment.

This blew Harvey away. Especially when he noticed that the inside of the cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean! As he slid behind the wheel, Wally said, "Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular and one of decaf."

Harvey said jokingly, "No, I'd prefer a soft drink." Wally smiled and said, "No problem. I have a cooler up front with regular and Diet Coke, water and orange juice." Almost stuttering, Harvey said, "I'll take a Diet Coke." Handing him his drink, Wally said, "If you'd like something to read, I have The Wall Street Journal, Time, Sports Illustrated and USA Today." As they were pulling away, Wally handed him another laminated card. "These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you'd like to listen to the radio." And as if that weren't enough, Wally told Harvey that he had the air conditioning on and asked if the temperature was comfortable for him. Then he advised Harvey of the best route to his destination for that time of day. He also let him know that he'd be happy to chat and tell him about some of the sights or, if Harvey preferred, to leave him with his own thoughts.

"Tell me, Wally," Harvey asked the driver, "have you always served customers like this?" Wally smiled into the rear-view mirror. "No, not always. In fact, it's only been in the last two years. My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the cabbies do.

Then I heard the personal growth guru, Wayne Dyer, on the radio one day. He had just written a book called You'll See It When You Believe It. Dyer said that if you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you'll rarely disappoint yourself. He said, `Stop complaining! Differentiate yourself from your competition. Don't be a duck. Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd.'" "That hit me right between the eyes," said Wally.

"Dyer was really talking about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more." "I take it that has paid off for you," Harvey said.

"It sure has," Wally replied. "My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous year. This year I'll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today. I don't sit at cabstands anymore. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone or leave a message on my answering machine. If I can't pick them up myself, I get a reliable cabbie friend to do it and I take a piece of the action."

Wally was phenomenal. He was running a limo service out of a Yellow Cab. Harvey probably told that story to more than fifty cab drivers over the years, and only two took the idea and ran with it. Whenever Harvey went to their cities, he would give them a call. The rest of the drivers quacked like ducks and told him all the reasons they couldn't do any of what he was suggesting.

Wally the Cab Driver made a different choice. He decided to stop quacking like ducks and start soaring like eagles !!!!!

courtsey www.simpletruths.com

Monkeys and FII's.....

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10. The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20.

This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to $25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey let alone catch it. The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50!

However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for $50." The villagers squeezed up with all their savings to buy the monkeys. Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!! ( Now replace monkeys with Shares )

This is what FIIs did to Indian markets !!!

Management Perspectives.....

More Management Lessons....

A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

Lesson I - Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything.

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window: "I want to open a damn checking account." To which the astonished woman replies: "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a damn checking account right now!" "I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank." Having said this, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her problem customer. They both return and the manager asks the old geezer: "What seems to be the problem here?" "There's no damn problem, sonny," the elderly man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!" "I see," says the manager thoughtfully. "And you're saying that this bitch here is giving you a hard time?"

Lesson II - If you are RICH, you can get away with almost anything.

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of ese are you?" Confused, the Japanese replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean." The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you...Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......???" The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese." A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of 'key' was he. The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of '-key' am I?!" The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"

Lesson III - Never insult anyone.

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, a British and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true." The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted," VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool. The last is the British. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, SHIT!!!!!!!........."

Lesson IV - Think twice before you say something, because sometimes what you say accidentally does happen.

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each" So , the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff, and he was gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted " I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff, and he was also gone. The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch"

Lesson V - "Always allow the bosses to speak first