International English....
Here are some interesting signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout the world.
In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read this notice.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel : Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
3 Tips for Responding to Failure.....
Everyone reacts differently to failure: some immediately accuse others while some take the heat themselves, even if undeserved. Next time you and your team fail, resist the temptation to place blame. Take these three steps instead:
1. Think before you act. Don't respond immediately or impulsively. Doing so can make matters worse. Take the time to consider several possible interpretations of the event and how you might react.
2. Listen and communicate. Never assume you know what others think. Gather feedback and then explain your own actions and intentions.
3. Search for a lesson. Mistakes happen. It may be that you're to blame, someone else is, or no one is. Create and test hypotheses about how and why the failure happened to prevent it from happening again.
Courtsey : Ben Dattner and Robert Hogan/ Havard Business Review
FAMILY....
I ran into a stranger as he passed by "Oh excuse me please" was my reply.
He said, "Please excuse me too; I wasn't watching for you."
We were very polite, this stranger and I. We went on our way and we said goodbye.
But at home a different story is told, How we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal, My son stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down "Move out of the way," I said with a frown.
He walked away, his little heart broken. I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken. While I lay awake in bed, God's still small voice came to me and said, "While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use, but the family you love, you seem to abuse.
Go and look on the kitchen floor, You'll find some flowers there by the door. Those are the flowers he brought for you. He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue. He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise, you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."
By this time, I felt very small, And now my tears began to fall. I quietly went and knelt by his bed "Wake up, little one, wake up," I said. "Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree. I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."
I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today; I shouldn't have yelled at you that way." He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay. I love you anyway." I said, "Son, I love you too and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."
FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than into our own family, an unwise investment indeed, don't you think?
Do you know what the word FAMILY means?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU
There's always a little truth.....
There's always a little truth behind every 'Just kiddin!.'
a little knowledge behind every 'I dont know!.'
a little emotion behind every 'I dont care!.'
a little luv behind every 'I hate you!.'
a little uneasiness behind every 'I am okay!.'
a little pain behind every 'forget it!.'
a little fear behind every 'Leave me alone!.'
a little hope behind every 'Goodbye!'
There's always 'something behind every nothing!.'
Every heart has a tale to tell behind every action, emotion & expression!
If only we'd understand the speech behind every silence, may be someday we'd understand life...
Protect Your Good Idea....
The best idea can still die when naysayers raise concerns, even if the concerns are meritless. Instead of trying to dodge unavoidable attacks, learn to expect the common types you'll face, and how to counter them simply and convincingly:
Death by delay: Adversaries may try to put off the discussion, ask for additional information, or otherwise delay a decision on your idea, thereby slowing momentum. Keep your audience focused on making a decision.
Confusion : Detractors often present distracting information or try to link your idea to several others in an attempt to confound people. Be clear about what your idea is and what it isn't.
Fear mongering: Nothing kills an idea faster than irrational anxieties. Know what fears your challengers might stir up and be prepared to allay them.
Courtsey : John P. Kotter and Lorne A. Whitehead./ Havard Business Review
3 Tips for Asking for a Raise.....
Asking for a salary increase can be a nerve-wracking task. Here are three tips to making the ask go smoothly, and increasing your chances of getting the raise:
* Choose the right time. It's best to ask when your status is high. Consider asking soon after your team posts good results or at the end of a successful project. Avoid making the request when your boss is preoccupied with other issues.
* Have a plan. Know what number you want, make sure it is realistic, and build a case to support it. Use facts about comparable roles and evidence of recent successes.
* Be clear and positive. Stay focused on the positive of what you have accomplished. Avoid bringing up other issues during the meeting. Be clear about what you want without issuing an ultimatum.
Courtsey : Gill Corkindale/ Havard Business Review
Grandparents.....
Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting. ~Author Unknown
What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure. ~Gene Perret
Grandmothers are just 'antique' little girls. ~Author Unknown
Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild. ~ Welsh Proverb
A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the television.. ~Author Unknown
Never have children, only grandchildren. ~Gore Vidal
Becoming a grandmother is wonderful. One moment you're just a mother. The next you are all-wise and prehistoric. ~Pam Brown
Grandchildren don't stay young forever, which is good because Grandfathers have only so many horsy rides in them. ~Gene Perret
When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window. ~Ogden Nash
Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just you all day and now the day was complete. ~ Marcy DeMaree
Grandmas never run out of hugs or cookies. ~Author unknown
Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our hearts forever. ~Author Unknown
If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I'd have had them first. ~Lois Wyse
My grandkids believe I'm the oldest thing in the world. And after two or three hours with them, I believe it, too. ~Gene Perret
If becoming a grandmother was only a matter of choice, I should advise every one of you straight away to become one. There is no fun for old people like it! ~Hannah Whithall Smith
It's such a grand thing to be a mother of a mother - that's why the world calls her grandmother. ~Author Unknown
Grandchildren are God's way of compensating us for growing old. ~Mary H. Waldrip
You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother. ~Proverb
An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again.Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly. ~Gene Perret
The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby's grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida . ~Dave Barry
I wish I had the energy that my grandchildren have - if only for self-defense. ~Gene Perret
Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Grandmas are short on criticism and long on love. ~Author Unknown
Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children. ~Alex Haley
Grandmother - a wonderful mother with lots of practice. ~Author Unknown
A grandparent is old on the outside but young on the inside. ~Author Unknown
One of the most powerful handclasps is that of a new grandbaby around the finger of a grandfather. ~Joy Hargrove
It's amazing how grandparents seem so young once you become one. ~Author Unknown
If your baby is 'beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the time,' you're the grandma. ~Teresa Bloomingdale
Grandparents are similar to a piece of string - handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of their grandchildren. ~Author Unknown
What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I'd like to say that grandparents are God's gifts to children. And if they can but see, hear and feel what these people have to give, they can mature at a fast rate. ~Bill Cosby
Grandchildren don't make a man feel old; it's the knowledge that he's married to agrandmother. G. Norman Collie
Paa..... Yeppa !!!!!
Like the Hindi Movie "PAA" - In Tamil Simbhu is going to act as a "Father" & T. Rajendar going to sct as "Son" Movie Named "YEPPA"
The AXE Effect......
In what could prove to be a major marketing and legal embarrassment for Hindustan Unilever Limited (HUL), a 26-year-old man has filed a case against the FMCG company, which owns the Axe brand of men grooming products, for ‘cheating’ and causing him ‘mental suffering’. The plaintiff has cited his failure to attract any girl at all even though he’s been using Axe products for over seven years now. Axe advertisements suggest that the products help men in instantly attracting women.
Vaibhav Bedi, the petitioner, also surrendered all his used, unused and half-used deodorant sprays, perfume sticks and roll-ons, anti-perspirants, aftershaves, body washes, shampoos, and hair gels to the court, and demanded a laboratory test of the products and narcotics test of the brand managers of Axe. Vaibhav was pushed to take this step when his bai (house maid) beat him with a broom when he tried to impress her by appearing naked in front of her after applying all the Axe products. No girl ever asked Vaibhav to call her.....
Vaibhav Bedi, the petitioner, also surrendered all his used, unused and half-used deodorant sprays, perfume sticks and roll-ons, anti-perspirants, aftershaves, body washes, shampoos, and hair gels to the court, and demanded a laboratory test of the products and narcotics test of the brand managers of Axe. Vaibhav was pushed to take this step when his bai (house maid) beat him with a broom when he tried to impress her by appearing naked in front of her after applying all the Axe products. No girl ever asked Vaibhav to call her.....
“Where the f****** is the Axe effect?
I’ve been waiting for it for over seven years. Right from my college to now in my office, no girl ever agreed to even go out for a tea or coffee with me, even though I’m sure they could smell my perfumes, deodorants and aftershaves. I always applied them in abundance to make sure the girls get turned on as they show in the television. Finally I thought I’d try to impress my lonely maid who had an ugly fight with her husband and was living alone for over a year.
Axe effect my foot!” Vaibhav expressed his unhappiness. Vaibhav claims that he had been using all the Axe products as per the company’s instructions even since he first bought them. He argued that if he couldn’t experience the Axe effect despite using the products as directed, either the company was making false claims or selling fake products. “I had always stored them in cool and dry place, and kept them away from direct light or heat. I’d always use a ruler before applying the spray and make sure that the distance between the nozzle and my armpit was at least 15 centimeters. I’d do everything they told. I even beat up my 5-year-old nephew for coming near my closet, as they had instructed it to keep away from children’s reach. And yet, all I get is a broom beating from my ugly bai.” Vaibhav expressed his frustration.
Vaibhav claims that he had to do go a lot of mental suffering and public humiliation due to the lack of Axe effect and wants HUL to compensate him for this agony. An advocate in Karkardooma court, who happened to mistake Vaibhav for some deodorant vendor when he entered the court premises with all the bottles, has now offered to take up his case in the court. HUL has been served a legal notice in this regard. HUL has officially declined to comment on the case citing the subject to be sub judice, but our sources inform that the company was worried over the possible outcomes of the case. The company might argue that Vaibhav was hopelessly unattractive and unintelligent and didn’t possess the bare minimum requirements for the Axe effect to take place.
Officially HUL has not issued any statement, but legal experts believe that HUL could have tough time convincing the court. “HUL might be tempted to take that line of argument, but it is very risky. There is no data to substantiate the supposition that unattractive and unintelligent men don’t attract women. In fact some of the best looking women have been known to marry and date absolutely ghoulish guys. I’d suggest that the company settles this issue out of court.” noted lawyer Ram Jethmalani said.
Train Mishap
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Camels and Condoms......
Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Maude: What in the hell is that? Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Maude: Where did you get it? Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers. "Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted......
For the Love of Beans.....
Here's a true story that appeared in the Readers Digest......
"One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up eating beans. Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the dinner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: 'Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.'
He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.
He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.
I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than stinking cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused:
'Happy Birthday!!'
I nearly died!!!
Organize Your Workspace for Maximum Productivity .....
As you pilot your way through the business day, your workspace is your cockpit. If you can't see the gauges or reach the controls quickly and efficiently, you're in trouble. Luckily some simple organizing techniques can make your desk, cubicle, or office more conducive to higher levels of productivity.
Clear the deck. Your elbows and your brain need room to do what they do best, so you've got to clear away the clutter. Those spontaneous piles of miscellaneous paperwork, the boxes of stuff tossed in the corner, the tchotchkes from last year's convention? They've all got to go. "Out of sight, out of mind" is the directing principle here. Put away (even better, throw away) anything you don't need to be thinking about on a daily basis. As for the stuff you do need, choose a sensible place for it — all of it — and commit to keeping it there. Once you do that, putting away an item requires no thought or decisions.
Keep only frequently-used items within reach. Split your workspace tools and current paperwork into two categories: what should be within arm's reach and what shouldn't. Right now, as you sit at your desk, consider every single item that you can reach out and touch. Is there anything you use less than a few times a week? Get it out of your way. (Hint: If it's dusty, it doesn't need to be there.) Is there anything you use often that's not right nearby? Relocate it to the space right in front of you. For example, if you rarely use the hole punch, store it in the office supplies drawer. If you're always jotting things down, a fresh notepad and uncapped pen should be next to your mouse pad.
Set up a landing strip. Every day you arrive in workspace with the same items — a cell phone, briefcase and/or purse, mail, keys, change. Make a "landing strip" where you can drop your stuff when you come in and out (maybe with an extra cell phone charger and change cup). If incoming paperwork or mail makes its way to your desk or chair each day, use an inbox to "catch" it. Clear out this inbox and file, recycle, or otherwise process everything in it every day.Store related items together. Reduce the amount of time you spend hunting for tools by grouping items by task. Keep the stamps near your envelopes, pens near notepads, fresh folders near the filing cabinet, ink near the printer, shredder near the recycling bin, and so on. This is the most obvious piece of organizing advice in the world — until you've got a letter to mail and can't find the stamps.
Make yourself comfortable. You spend the majority of your waking hours in your workspace, so it's worth investing in a comfy chair and desk at the right height, a mouse and keyboard that's easy on your hands and wrists, and even a widescreen monitor (or two) to make long hours at the computer gentler on your eyes and bodies. Beware of fancy office products that claim to be more ergonomic than others; your gauge is your body.
Pay attention to the way you work and adjust as needed. After your initial reorganization, keep an eye out for recurring tasks you can do more efficiently in your workspace. If you often need space to spread out paperwork, get a keyboard drawer or L-shaped desk that gives you that room. If you have a laptop you take with you, get yourself an extra power cord or dock for easy plugging and unplugging. If you refer to paperwork while you type, get yourself a monitor-mounted document clip. One right-handed university dean told me that she taught herself to mouse with her left hand so she could jot notes at the same time with her right. Some of the most effective (but less obvious) tweaks you can make in your workspace depend on your work style and needs.
Courtsey : Gina Trapani/ Havard Business Publishing
ATTITUDE !!!!!
After an international beer conference in London , all the world's top brewery bosses decide to go out for a beer together. The Chairman of Budweiser says, 'I'd like the most refreshing beer in the world, 'The King of Beers': give me a Budweiser.' The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and opens it for him.
The Chairman of Guinness says, 'I'd like the only beer in the world worth really, truly waiting for: give me a Guinness.' The bartender serves him. The Chairman of Carlsberg says, ' I would like the world's best beer, drunk in more countries than any other: give me a Carlsberg.' He gets it. Vijay Mallya sits down, looks around and says, 'Just give me a Coke.' The bartender looks at him, shrugs, and serves him.
The other brewery bosses laugh loudly and say, 'Hey Vijay, how come you aren't drinking a Kingfisher?'' Listen,' says Vijay Mallya, 'If you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I......
Now that's what I call Attitude !!!!!!
A Simple Secret to Stop Procrastination.....
There's an old saying that says...
"If the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning is eat a live frog, then nothing worse can happen for the rest of the day!"
"If the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning is eat a live frog, then nothing worse can happen for the rest of the day!"
The 80/20 Rule is one of the most helpful of all concepts of time and life management. It is also called the "Pareto Principle" after its founder, the Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto, who first wrote about it in 1895. Pareto noticed that people in his society seemed to divide naturally into what he called the "vital few", the top 20 percent in terms of money and influence, and the "trivial many", the bottom 80 percent.
He later discovered that virtually all economic activity was subject to this principle as well. For example, this principle says that 20 percent of your activities will account for 80 percent of your results, 20 percent of your customers will account for 80 percent of your sales, 20 percent of your products or services will account for 80 percent of your profits, 20 percent of your tasks will account for 80 percent of the value of what you do, and so on. This means that if you have a list of ten items to do, two of those items will turn out to be worth five or ten times or more than the other eight items put together.
Number of Tasks versus Importance of Tasks : Here is an interesting discovery. Each of the ten tasks may take the same amount of time to accomplish. But one or two of those tasks will contribute five or ten times the value of any of the others.
Often, one item on a list of ten tasks that you have to do can be worth more than all the other nine items put together. This task is invariably the frog that you should eat first.
Focus on Activities, Not Accomplishments : The most valuable tasks you can do each day are often the hardest and most complex. But the payoff and rewards for completing these tasks efficiently can be tremendous. For this reason, you must adamantly refuse to work on tasks in the bottom 80 percent while you still have tasks in the top 20 percent left to be done.
Before you begin work, always ask yourself, "Is this task in the top 20 percent of my activities or in the bottom 80 percent?" The hardest part of any important task is getting started on it in the first place. Once you actually begin work on a valuable task, you will be naturally motivated to continue. A part of your mind loves to be busy working on significant tasks that can really make a difference. Your job is to feed this part of your mind continually.
Motivate Yourself : Just thinking about starting and finishing an important task motivates you and helps you to overcome procrastination. Time management is really life management, personal management. It is really taking control of the sequence of events. Time management is having control over what you do next. And you are always free to choose the task that you will do next. Your ability to choose between the important and the unimportant is the key determinant of your success in life and work.
Effective, productive people discipline themselves to start on the most important task that is before them. They force themselves to eat that frog, whatever it is. As a result, they accomplish vastly more than the average person and are much happier as a result. This should be your way of working as well......
Courtsey : http://www.simpletruths.com/
Tourists to India - information in a lighter vein.....
The answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have an excellent sense of humour.........
Q : Does it ever get windy in India? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q : Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Delhi to Goa- can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand kms, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi, Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean which does not.. oh forget it. ...... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in India? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into India? ( UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? (France)
A: Indiana is a state in the Unites States of...oh forget it. Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday night in Goa, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in India? ( UK )
A: You're a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore, and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: Do you have perfume in India? ( France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in India? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in India? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
Q: Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Italy)
A: As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime.
Q: Do you have Toilet paper? (USA)
A: No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades)
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