GUTS or BALLS.....

There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: ''Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?''

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the arse and having the balls to say: ''You're next, fatty.''

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.

Health - Important Tips

• Answer the phone using your LEFT ear only

• Do not drink coffee TWICE a day

• Do not take pills with COLD water

• Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm

• Reduce the amount of OILY food you consume

• Drink more WATER in the morning, less at night

• Keep your distance from hand phone CHARGERS

• Do not use headphones/earphone for a LONG period of time

• Best sleeping time is from 10pm at night to 6am in the morning

• Do not lie down immediately after taking medicine before sleeping

• When your cell phone battery is down to the LAST grid/bar, do not answer the phone as the radiation is 1000 times more than normal

NEHRU GANDHI FAMILY SECRETS.....

At the very beginning of his book, "The Nehru Dynasty", astrologer K.N. Rao mentions the names of Jawaharlal's father and grandfather. Jawahar Lal's father was believed to be Motilal Nehru and Motilal's father was one Gangadhar Nehru. And we all know that Jawaharlal's only daughter was Indira Priyadarshini Nehru; Kamala Nehru was her mother, who died in Switzerland of tuberculosis. Kamala Nehru was totally against Indira's proposed marriage with Feroze. Why? No one tells us that!

Now, who is this Feroze? We are told by many that he was the son of the family grocer. The grocer supplied wines,etc. to Anand Bhavan (previously known as Ishrat Manzil) What was the family grocer's name? One frequently hears that Rajiv Gandhi's grandfather was Pandit Nehru. But then we all know that everyone has two grandfathers, the paternal and the maternal grandfathers. In fact, the paternal grandfather is deemed to be the more important grandfather in most societies.

Why is it then, no where, we find Rajiv Gandhi's paternal grandfather's name? It appears that the reason is simply this. Rajiv Gandhi's paternal grandfather was a Muslim gentleman from the Junagadh area of Gujarat. This Muslim grocer by the name of Nawab Khan, had married a Parsi woman after converting her to Islam. This is the source where from the myth of Rajiv being a Parsi was derived. Rajiv's father Feroze, was Feroze Khan before he married Indira, against Kamala Nehru's wishes.

Feroze's mother's family name was Ghandy, often associated with Parsis and this was changed to Gandhi,sometime before his wedding with Indira, by an affidavit. The fact of the matter is that (and this fact can be found in many writings)

Indira was very lonely. Chased out of the Shantiniketan University by Guru Dev Rabindranath himself for misdemeanor, the lonely girl was all by herself, while father Jawahar was busy with politics, pretty women and illicit sex; the mother was in hospital. Feroze Khan, the grocer's son was then in England and he was quite sympathetic to Indira and soon enough she changed her religion, became a Muslim woman and married Feroze Khan in a London mosque.

Nehru was not happy; Kamala was dead already or dying. The news of this marriage eventually reached Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (better known as Mahatma Gandhi). Gandhi urgently called Nehru and practically ordered him to ask the young man to change his name from Khan to Gandhi. It had nothing to do with change of religion, from Islam to Hinduism for instance. It was just a case of a change of name by an affidavit. And so Feroze Khan became Feroze Gandhi.

The surprising thing is that the apostle of truth, the old man soon to be declared India's Mahatma and the 'Father of the Nation' didn't mention this game of his in the famous book, 'My Experiments with Truth'. Why? When they returned to India, amock 'Vedic marriage' was instituted for public consumption.

On this subject,writes M.O. Mathai (a longtime Private Secretary of Nehru) in his renowned (but now suppressed by the GOI! ) 'Reminiscences of the Nehru Age' on page94, second paragraph: "For some inexplicable reason, Nehru allowed the marriage to be performed according to Vedic rites in 1942. An inter-religious and inter-caste marriage under Vedic rites at that time was not valid in law. To be legal, it had to be a civil marriage."

It's a known fact that after Rajiv's birth Indira and Feroze lived separately, but they were not divorced. Feroze used to harass Nehru frequently for money and also interfere in Nehru's political activities. Nehru got fed up and left instructions not to allow him into the Prime Minister's residence Trimurthi Bhavan. Mathai writes that the death of Feroze came as a relief to Nehru and Indira. The death of Feroze in 1960 before he could consolidate his own political forces, is itself a mystery. Feroze had even planned to remarry.

Those who try to keep tabs on our leaders in spite of all the suppressions and deliberate misinformation, are aware of the fact that the second son of Indira (or Mrs.Feroze Khan) known as Sanjay Gandhi was not the son of Feroze. He was the son of another Muslim gentleman, Mohammad Yunus.

Here, in passing, we might mention that the second son was originally named Sanjiv. It rhymed with Rajiv, the elder brother's name. It was changed to Sanjay when he was arrested by the British police in England and his passport impounded, for having stolen a car. Krishna Menon was then India's High Commissioner in London. He offered to issue another passport to the felon who changed his name to Sanjay.

Incidentally, Sanjay's marriage with the Sikh girl Menaka (now they call her Maneka for Indira Gandhi found the name of mythological Lord Indra's Court dancer rather offensive !!) took place quite surprisingly in Mohammad Yunus's house in New Delhi. And the marriage with Menaka who was a model (She had modeled for Bombay Dyeing wearing just a towel) was not so ordinary either. Sanjay was notorious in getting unwed young women pregnant. Menaka too was rendered pregnant by Sanjay.

It was then that her father,Colonel Anand, threatened Sanjay with dire consequences if he did not marry her daughter. And that did the trick. Sanjay married Menaka. It was widely reported in Delhi at the time that Mohammad Yunus was unhappy at the marriage of Sanjay with Menaka. Apparently he had wanted to get him married with a Muslim girl of his choice. It was Mohammad Yunus who cried the most when Sanjay died in the plane accident.

In Yunus's book, 'Persons, Passions & Politics' one discovers that baby Sanjay had been circumcised following Islamic custom, although the reason stated was phimosis. It was always believed that Sanjay used to blackmail Indira Gandhi and due to this she used to turn a blind eye when Sanjay Gandhi started to run the country as though it were his personal freedom. Was he black mailing her with the secret of who his real father was? When the news of Sanjay's death reached Indira Gandhi, the first thing she wanted to know was about the bunch of keys which Sanjay had with him.

Nehru was no less a player in producing bastards. At least one case is very graphically described by M.O. Mathai in his "Reminiscences of the NehruAge", page 206. Mathai writes: "In the autumn of 1948 a young woman from Benares arrived in New Delhi as a sanyasini named Shraddha Mata (an assumed and not a real name). She was a Sanskrit scholar well versed in the ancient Indian scriptures and mythology. People, including MPs, thronged to her to hear her discourses. One day S.D. Upadhyaya, Nehru's old employee, brought a letter in Hindi from Shraddha Mata. Nehru gave her an interview in the PM's house. As she departed, I noticed (Mathai is speaking here) that she was young, shapely and beautiful. Meetings of Nehru with her became rather frequent, mostly after he finished his work at night. During one of Nehru's visits to Lucknow, Shraddha Mata turned up there and Upadhyaya brought a letter from her as usual. Nehru sent her the reply and she visited Nehru at midnight...“ Suddenly Shraddha Mata disappeared.

In November 1949 a convent in Bangalore sent a decent looking person to Delhi with a bundle of letters. He said that a young woman from northern India arrived at the convent a few months ago and gave birth to a baby boy. She refused to divulge her name or give any particulars about herself. She left the convent as soon as she was well enough to move out but left the child behind. She however forgot to take with her a small cloth bundle in which, among other things, several letters in Hindi were found. The Mother Superior, who was a foreigner, had the letters examined and was told they were from the Prime Minister. The person who brought the letters surrendered them..."I (Mathai) made discreet inquiries repeatedly about the boy but failed to get a clue about his hereabouts. Convents in such matters are extremely tightlipped and secretive. Had I succeeded in locating the boy, I would have adopted him. He must have grown up as a Catholic Christian blissfully ignorant of who his father was."

Coming back to Rajiv Gandhi, we all know now that he changed his so called Parsi religion to become a Catholic to marry Sania Maino of Turin, Italy. Rajiv became Roberto. His daughter's name is Bianca and son's name is Raul. Quite cleverly the same names are presented to the people of India as Priyanka and Rahul. The press conference that Rajiv Gandhi gave in London after taking over as Prime minister of India was very informative. In this press conference, Rajiv boasted that he was NOT a Hindu but a Parsi. Mind you, speaking of the Parsi religion, he had no Parsi ancestor at all. His grandmother (father's mother) had turned Muslim after having abandoned the Parsi religion to marry Nawab Khan.

It is the western press that waged a blitz of misinformation on behalf of Rajiv. From the New York Times to the Los Angeles Times and the Washington Post, the big guns raised Rajiv to heaven. The children's encyclopedias recorded that Rajiv was a qualified Mechanical Engineer from the revered University of Cambridge. No doubt US kids are among the most misinformed in the world today!

The reality is that in all three years of his tenure at that University Rajiv had not passed a single exam. He had therefore to leave Cambridge without a certificate. Sonia too had the same benevolent treatment. She was stated to be a student in Cambridge. Such a description is calculated to mislead Indians. She was a student in Cambridge all right, but not of the University of Cambridge , but of one of those fly by night language schools where foreign students come to learn English. Sonia was working as an 'au pair' girl in Cambridge and trying to learn English at the same time.

And surprise of surprises, Rajiv was even cremated as per Vedic rites in full view of India's public.

This is one of the many stories of the Nehru dynasty that India worships and now a foreigner leads a prestigious national party because of just one qualification being married into the Nehru family. Maneka Gandhi, though Indian, herself is being accepted by the non-Congress parties not because she was a former model or an animal lover, but for her links to the Nehru family.

Obama & Hillary

Yashomati maiya se bole Obama: "Hillary kyun gori........ Main kyun Kala"!

OBAMA =

O - Originally

B - Born in

A - Africa to

M - Manage

A - America

On Ramalinga Raju.....

By all accounts, Satyam ex-chairman Ramalinga Raju is having a rollicking time in Chanchalguda jail. His popularity among the inmates, all of whom are in awe of a man who can make Rs 7,000 crore disappear, knows no bounds. "Some of us affectionately call him by his nickname Scamalinga," said a petty thief, "But most just call him Gurudev."

Reports have come in that Raju had 20 idlis for breakfast, five plates of rice and a bucket of rasam for lunch and 25 chapatis with two chickens for dinner. But the jail superintendent says these numbers are inflated. "You see, the habit is so deeply ingrained in Raju that he automatically inflates all figures," he added. Incidentally, his cellmate Srinivas Vadlamani, Satyam's ex-chief financial officer who has denied all knowledge of wrongdoing, said he didn't know whether he had any meals. "I am not aware whether I had breakfast, lunch or dinner," he said. "Am I in jail?" he asked.

Meanwhile, insiders say that Raju has decided to teach accountancy in order to impart his skills to a receptive audience. "I'm really excited at the prospect of being taught by such a master," said a murderer serving a life sentence. "My problem has been that I don't know where to hide the bodies," he explained, "I'm sure that a guy who can hide Rs 7,000 crore for so many years can easily hide a score of bodies."A stream of visitors has also been arriving at the jail, all wanting to meet Srinivas Vadlamani. Inquiries revealed they were promoters of companies, eager to have him on their boards. "Where will I get such an ideal chief financial officer?" asked a person who said he was CEO of a company called Black Hole Ltd.

Even the jail superintendent says he is extremely happy with Raju. "He is a financial genius," he exclaimed. He said Raju had outlined a scheme that could save the jail a huge amount of money. "Raju explained that all I needed to do was to allow the inmates to choose their own guards. He said these guards would cost a fraction of the current salary being paid to jail warders. I was a little hesitant about prisoners choosing their own jailers at first, but relented when Raju said that it was exactly the same thing with companies — they all appoint their own auditors and nobody complains."

Incidentally, even the Naxalite prisoners lodged in the jail are very happy with Raju. "We have been working for decades to overthrow capitalism, with no effect," said their ringleader. "And then Comrade Raju comes along and wrecks the system from within, giving Indian capitalism a resounding blow." "We're electing him to the party's central committee," he added. But Raju is unlikely to take up the offer. He has a job offer from Nigeria to run the huge network that sends scam emails to people promising to transfer billions of dollars lying in unclaimed money to them once they give their bank account numbers and a small advance payment. Unconfirmed reports say that to make the schemes look authentic they're thinking of asking accounting firm Pricewaterhouse to certify them.

Others say Raju is exploring a lucrative option in a related field. "He's thinking of becoming a godman," said a source, "Which is why he is reading religious books." Some also say that Raju is being paid a fat advance for a novel based on his Satyam swindle. "It's clear he has plenty of experience of writing fiction," pointed out a publisher.And lastly, in a curious but related incident, teachers at a prestigious school in Hyderabad were shocked when young Bunty Reddy of class 5B told his class-teacher that his father was a male bar dancer. Investigations revealed, however, that his dad was actually an independent director on the boards of several companies. "In the circumstances, it's natural for the child to be ashamed of his parent," said the principal, "And that's why he tried to pass his dad off as a male stripper."

If I were Santa Claus........

These would have been my Elves......

Have You Ever Wondered???

• Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?
  
  
• Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money?
  
  
• Why does someone Believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?
  
  
• Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
  
  
• Why the sun lightens our hair,but darkens our skin?
  
  
• Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
  
  
• Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
  
  
• Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
  
  
• Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
  
  
• Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
  
  
• Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
  
  
• Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
  
  
• Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
  
  
• Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
  
  
• Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
  
  
• You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
  
  
• Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
  
  
• Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
  
  
• If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
  
  
• If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
  
  
• Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
  
  
• Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
  
  
• Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
  
  
• If people evolved from apes, Why are there still apes?
  
  
• Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
  
  
• Is there ever a day that mattresses Are not on sale?
  
  
• Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
  
  
• Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
  
  
• Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
  
  
• How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
  
  
• When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'
  
  
• Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
  
  
• In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
  
  
• How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

How to Make Twins....

The Loneliness of Dr. Manmohan Singh.....

On December 13, 2001, India's parliament was attacked. Twelve people died, including six policemen and the five attackers. The next day Pakistan's High Commissioner Ashraf Qazi was summoned to South Block and told that Lashkar-e-Taiba and Jaish-e-Muhammad were responsible.On December 20, India's army began mobilising along the international border at Punjab and Rajasthan to pressure President Musharraf to act against groups operating from Pakistan. On December 27, India banned Pakistani flights over its territory.On December 31, Prime Minister Vajpayee made a speech saying war was being thrust upon India and advising Pakistan to repeat its U-turn on the Taliban with another one on jihadi groups.On January 11, India's army chief General S Padmanabhan held a press conference to say that troop deployment was complete, and that his men were ready for war.

On January 12, President Musharraf made a speech in which he banned Laskhar and Jaish. He promised that "no organisation would be allowed to carry out terrorism on the pretext of Kashmir".In 2003, there were 3,401 incidents of violence in Kashmir. By 2005, this dropped to 1,415. In 2007, this dropped to 900. President Musharraf, reverser of Pakistan's jihad in Kashmir, is less remembered in India than General Musharraf, adventurer of Kargil. This week, a television channel held a poll asking its viewers if India should go to war. Ninety per cent said yes.Prime Minister Manmohan Singh is under pressure from Indians to attack Pakistan. He is under pressure from his colleagues in the Congress Party, his opponents in the BJP and from the media to act. Condoleezza Rice has understood his dilemma and come to hold his hand. War with Pakistan is out of the question; the pressure is for mounting strikes against jihadi organisations.What can he do???

He could order strikes at the Markaz Dawa complex in Muridke near Lahore, where the Salafi Lashkar was based before moving to Muzaffarabad. He could order strikes at the Binori Masjid complex in Karachi, where the Deobandi Jaish-e-Muhammad was formed under Mufti Nizamuddin Shamzai before his death. He must consider three things: how will it affect terrorism? How will it affect Pakistan? How will it affect India?India can again apply military pressure on Pakistan's leaders but what does it seek this time? Indians want war on Pakistan's jihadis but war is already upon them. It is being fought between one Pakistan and another Pakistan. Zardari, Musharraf, the MQM, Kayani, Asfandyar Wali versus the Taliban, Jaish, Lashkar, Baitullah Mehsud, Lal Masjid. There are neutrals in the war -- Nawaz Sharif, Imran Khan, Qazi Hussain Ahmed, Hameed Gul, Fazlur Rehman -- and at the moment they are leaning away from Zardari.

Less than a year ago, on December 27, 2007, Asif Ali Zardari lost his wife Benazir Bhutto to terrorists. General Ashfaq Kayani has lost over 1,000 of his soldiers fighting his own citizens. India is not obliged to help Zardari in Pakistan's war. But it would be a mistake to help the other side by weakening him. India wants to punish Pakistan but Pakistanis are already paying a heavy price for their mistakes.Pakistan's inflation is at 25 Per cent. It is running out of foreign exchange and is being propped up by the IMF. Its markets have been de-capitalised by Pakistanis sending money abroad. GDP per Pakistani is $623. GDP per Indian is $900.

In 1991, India's GDP per capita was $328, Pakistan's was $458. In 1991, India was 28 per cent behind Pakistan. In 17 years, India has gone 30 per cent ahead. How did this happen?For 17 years, four Indian governments have followed what is called Manmohanomics. In this period, four Pakistani governments followed a policy of 'strategic depth' in Afghanistan till 2001 and jihad in Kashmir till 2002. In 2007, India's GDP grew at 9.1 per cent, the second highest in the world. In this period, it shrugged off dozens of terror attacks including the Bombay train blasts which killed 209 people in 2006.

In the last five years, India created 11 million new jobs every year, the highest in the world and more than the job growth in China, Brazil and Russia combined. Every year, India pulls one per cent, 10 million -- one crore -- of its population out of poverty. This has happened with a single focus on economy. War, through all sorts of terrorism, and foreign policy has not been our concern.One man began dismantling India's Nehruvian economy 17 years ago. He did it not because his party had any mandate to do this from the population: India votes for identity, not policy or governance. He did it because he believed that was the right thing for India.That man, Dr Manmohan Singh, will go down in our history as the single most influential politician in India. More than Indira Gandhi, Rajiv Gandhi and Atal Behari Vajpayee. More even than the great Nehru.

Hundreds of millions of Indians have a better life in 2008 than they did in 1991 because of Manmohan Singh. Indians laugh at Manmohan Singh because he's dependent on Sonia Gandhi. L K Advani called him India's weakest prime minister. The ability to craft and deliver world-class policy did not win him our gratitude: Manmohan Singh cannot even win his own election. He lost the Lok Sabha election from South Delhi in 1999 and had to be nominated to the Rajya Sabha from Assam.But Narasimha Rao's wisdom made him the finance minister and Sonia Gandhi's wisdom made him prime minister. Born in Chakwal, Singh is an economist trained at Cambridge and Oxford. His doctorate was on self-sustained growth in India, but he has decided that India can only grow if it embraces the world.

In the era of Manmohanomics, India's moralistic foreign policy has been abandoned in favour of pragmatism. Its anti-Americanism has disappeared. He holds the most enlightened views, which are brought out only when he's interviewed by foreign journalists: (http://www. pbs.org/wgbh/ commandingheight s/shared/ minitextlo/ int_manmohansing h.html).He was asked why in 1991 he had agreed to take a job -- of liberalising India's economy -- that his peers were convinced would make him a scapegoat. He said: "If I fail, that's of no great consequence. And who fails if India wins?" Nehru and Ambedkar fought against bigotry. India's pluralist constitution is a tower of white light amid a subcontinent of religious and ethnic nationalisms.

Manmohan Singh is fighting against poverty and illiteracy. Indians must let him win this war he has been so good at fighting for them. India cannot be distracted by its legitimate anger into action that will have consequences it cannot control.Manmohan Singh must be very lonely as he looks out at his people, who are urging him to get even with Pakistan. And in the process damage the work for which he should be cherished and honoured in our country and in the world.India's Human Development Index, the status of its population's life expectancy, literacy, health and economy is .619. In another generation, in the lifetime of many of us, India can achieve an index value of .9 at which stage it will be a developed country.

Now that's a war worth fighting and winning!!!!!